


Do I Deserve It?

by difficultheart



Series: like a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, POV Second Person, metahuman!reader, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22750606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/difficultheart/pseuds/difficultheart
Summary: even with all my sins, tell me what you see(set before the last chapter of Hunger)
Relationships: Jason Todd/Original Female Character(s), Jason Todd/Reader, Red Hood/Reader
Series: like a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1413841
Comments: 1
Kudos: 90





	Do I Deserve It?

When you woke to an empty bed, blankets tossed haphazardly over you and a rapidly cooling spot on the sheets next to you, you know that Jason was having one of his bad nights. They were infrequent, but had happened enough times over the course of your (admittedly still very young) relationship that you could always spot the signs. Usually he woke you up if he had a nightmare, your fingers soothing the knots in his neck and shoulders as you whispered comfort to him and coaxed him back to sleep. Sometimes he simply held you closer, your limbs a sweaty tangle in the morning when you woke with the sunrise. Ragdoll shifted at your feet, letting out a soft chirp as he moved his head off your ankle.

"Thanks, bud," you murmured. Rubbing at your eyes, you slowly sat up and turned to glance at the clock on your vanity. The glaring red numbers confirmed that it was far too early for you to be up and about. But you didn't want to leave Jason alone any longer than he already had been. If he spiraled, the situation would only get worse. You slid out of bed and grabbed your robe from where it had been tossed on the floor, shrugging it on over your pajamas. It was the dying days of winter just before spring, the nights cold enough that you still kept your heater on. 

As your sluggish brain slowly began to speed up, you stepped into a pair of slippers and headed up to the attic. The window there was the easiest way to get to the roof, and you had installed a little rope ladder to make it easier to shimmy up. Cold night air bit at your cheeks, a shiver rolling down your spine once you had climbed your way up. Arms curling around yourself, you spotted Jason sitting a short distance from you. He had grabbed a sweatshirt, the hood pulled up so that his face was obscured from your view. But the way his shoulders slumped told you all that you needed to know.

"Hey," you said, approaching him slowly. When he didn't snap at you, you took it as an invitation to sit next to him, sniffling before you rested your head on his shoulder. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Silenced stretched for a moment. You watched the moon, a waxing crescent hung low in the sky, as you waited. Finally, he let out a low sigh, shifting so that you could press your body further into his. 

"Why do you care about me?" he asked. His voice was lower, raspier than normal. You knew he had been crying. You also knew not to point it out.

You hummed, curled against his side and reveling in his body heat for a moment. "Well," you said, "I can give you the long version or the short version. How much time do you have?"

Sometimes, Jason would snort at these lame attempts at a joke and you could lighten the mood easier. He did not laugh. He did not turn his head to look at you. Instead, he simply reached up and pulled the hood further over his face. _Shit._

"I'm serious," he mumbled. "I just... I don't know what you see in me."

"There's a lot of reasons why I care about you." You hesitated for a moment before winding your arms around his waist, embracing him properly. "You're smart. You're handsome. You make me laugh so hard I cry. You have a big heart, even if you like to pretend that you don't. You care, sometimes so much I think it breaks that wonderful heart of yours. You see the worst parts of me and accept them anyways. Do you want me to keep going?"

Jason sighed. You felt him shift again, bringing one arm around you and pulling you closer. Your head lowered to rest against his chest, eyes closing as you listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. His voice rumbled against your cheek as he spoke, a pleasant, deep vibration.

"I have nothing to give you," he said. "I'm a dead man with no job, no prospects. I only have money because I take it from people who don't deserve it. You've never even seen where I live."

"Jason, you spend most of your nights with me," you pointed out. "As far as I'm concerned, you basically live here. You have a whole drawer for your clothes and your toothbrush is next to mine. You even keep your favorite chips in my cupboard. If you want me to come stay at your place, I will. But I haven't pushed for it because I know you wouldn't be comfortable with it. And you have plenty to give me. You make me happy, among other things. What else could I ever want from you?"

"I don't have much of a future," he whispered. You heard the crack in his voice, his head dipping so his forehead rested against the top of your head. 

"Of course you do." You kept your eyes closed, simply taking in his warmth, his presence. "Everyone has a future. Sometimes you just can't see the road ahead of you. But that's okay. You know I'll be there to help you find the way."

A hitch in his breath was all the warning you got before he wrapped you into a crushing embrace, face pressing into your neck. Warm tears stuck to your skin, his fingers shaking as they gripped at the back of your robe. You took a deep breath, fingers curling into his hair as you blinked back tears of your own. While you had never actually seen Jason cry, you had seen the aftermath. The salty tracks on his cheeks, the redness in his eyes, the hoarseness of his voice. He shuddered again and you sighed as he nuzzled against your skin.

"I don't deserve you," he choked out. "I don't deserve any of this. I have so much blood on my hands. I've done so many things. I don't--"

"You do." You cut him off before you could continue. "You deserve all of it and more, Jason Todd. You deserve to be cared about. You deserve to be taken care of. You deserve to feel warm and safe. You deserve to feel at home. You deserve to be happy. And most of all, you deserve to be at peace. You don't deserve these beatings you give yourself. No matter how sick you make yourself with worry, I'll always be here. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Jason finally tilted his head up, but before you could see his face he was crushing his lips to yours. The kiss was desperate, his lips tasting of salt. But you returned it, soft and sweet, closing your eyes and cupping his cheeks in your hands. When he finally pulled away, you pushed back his hood. A few stray tears still rolled down his face, nose red from the cold and raw from being rubbed at with his sleeves. You gently wiped each tear away with your thumb before smiling up at him. Even with doubt shadowing his features, he was still beautiful. You felt your heart clench, pace beating a desperate message against your ribs. Three words, so small yet so large, sat on your tongue. But now wasn't the right time for them. So you swallowed them, pressed fluttering kisses to his jaw and cheek as his breath evened out and his hold on you slowly melted from desperate to gentle. 

"Come on," you murmured against his lips. "It's cold out here. Let's go inside so I can make you some coffee. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Waffles," he whispered back, fingers tangling with yours as you both stood. His breath fogged, head hung low. "And bacon."

"Then I'll make waffles and bacon." You stepped closer, tipping his face up and offering a small, sad smile. "Whatever you want, Jason, I'll give it to you."

The smile he gave you in response was a little too strained to be real, fear still shadowing his eyes. So when you had both made it back inside, you made a point of wrapping him up in a blanket and pressing the first mug of coffee into his hands. You had sweetened it with just a little sugar, enough to soothe the bitterness. While you cooked, he leaned against the opposite counter and watched. You hummed his favorite songs, offered him bits of batter and burnt bacon ends. By the time you had handed him a plate, a bit of light had returned to his eyes, his lips tasting of maple syrup and coffee when he kissed you in thanks.

You couldn't tell Jason Todd that you loved him yet, but deep inside, you knew that he felt every ounce of that unspoken love. And maybe, one day, he would finally feel worthy of it. 

**Author's Note:**

> been in love with [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipxbkgILPC0) lately and just had to write something for jason with it. also trying to work through a block on what the water gave me...
> 
> anyways hi hello thank you all for reading. i love you.


End file.
